Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.

We destroyed the moon on Jan. 2, 2020. We then constructed an exact replica made of Folger’s coffee.

I meant that the Moon was referring to the current attempts of various agencies and private companies to make an attempt to land on Mars rather than on the Moon.

100% Walnut-Free / Gluten-Free / Peanut-Free / Sugar-Free / MSG-Free / Salt-Free / Additive-Free, . . . .

(As an aside to the audiance) This Walruskkkch is a threat to my way of life! However as Arnold said…”I’ll be back.”

You may be the last word in the dictionary but I’ll be damned if your gonna be the last word in this thread! I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will not reach the final post!

Damned if I didn’t have to go and research that one…but that’s OK ’cause now I know who the Dread Pirate Roberts is.

What!! Where the heck did you come from, and what have you done with walruskkkch?!? (As an aside to the audiance) What’s a zzyzx to do, now I’ve got two of them to deal with!

“And now, on Really Interesting People, the opinions of a lizard, a cat, a duck, and Oppo. Oppo, we’ll start with you: do you have anything to say?”

Only for now gentlemen…only for now. You may have won a small victory but this is far from over! When you least expect it, just when you think you’re safe…I’ll be back.

I’ve always felt that it’s odd…we can get moderated for spelling (without censoring it) sh*t but not for ass. It’s a mystery.

That’s moviesign! And now we have Harvy on the scene…trying to gang up on me eh? I’m starting to feel like Custer at the last stand. ( Where did all those flippin Indians come from. )

I didn’t exactly mis-reference it…I just failed to mention that he spelled everything as m-o-o-n. Including Moon…laws yes.

It’s a marvelous time for a moon post neath the last poster timewise a fantabulous time for a bromide completely meaningless otherwise.

JULIET O, swear not by the “Sign-on-the-moon” thread, the constant sign-on-the-moon thread, That monthly changes in our circle’s orb, Lest that thy glibness prove likewise variable.

JULIET Do not swear at all (on this forum); Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy ******* self, Which suits the mod for thy idiotry, And will relieve thee.

Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not. Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices That, if I then had waked after long sleep, Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming, The clouds methought would open, and show riches Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked I cried to dream again.

The Zzyzx Foundation series is a science fiction book series written by American author Isaac Asimov. For nearly thirty years, the series was a trilogy: Zzyzx Foundation, Zzyzx Foundation and Empire, and Second Zzyzx Foundation. It won the one-time Hugo Award for “Best All-Time Series” in 1966. Asimov began adding to the series in 1981, with two sequels: Zzyzx Foundation’s Edge, Zzyzx Foundation and Earth, and two prequels: Prelude to Zzyzx Foundation, Forward the Zzyzx Foundation. The additions made reference to events in Asimov’s Walrus and Empire series, indicating that they were also set in the same fictional universe.

We better be careful here gentlemen. I Googled The Zzyzx Foundation and there really is such a thing. They’re based in California, a state completely overrun with lawsuit happy lawyers…if you get my drift?

Go placidly amid the noise and waste, And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss, and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember The Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, Especially with those persons closest to you – That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls Would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan. And let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken. Take heart in the bedeepening gloom That your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot, It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god, Whatever you perceive him to be – hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, The world continues to deteriorate. Give up!

Well Walrus I answered you but my commwnt is awaiting moderation. I can’t figure out why and if and when you see it I doubt if you well be able to either.

Wild guess — the filter is probably always on the lookout for the combination “my [that last name],” and either you had something close or else you didn’t, but it thought the “by” in “Gabby {that last name]” was a typo for “my.”

Yep, I was wrong. Nice poem. Maybe the filter holds onto anything that says “call the FBI”? Or says “call 606-4311?” Or “make peace with your god”? I can see how experience might have taught website companies that such statements are worth a second look before posting.

42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer. If one of those bottles should happen to fall 41 bottles of beer on the wall….Ad Nauseam.

Good guess but I think Jimmy and his cement overshoes can be found several fathoms below the surface about twenty miles off the coast of New Jersey. At least that’s what Vinnie told me.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”

“The main charge — and this is the cruncher — is steering every bleeding thread toward a long list of criminals from Blazing Saddles, ending in Methodists.

I’m laughing so hard I can’t even think of a reply…give me till tomarrow. Although I hope you’ll give me credid for getting that joke above your post past the guardian of the Bridge of Moderation.

Moderator: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of IMAO must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Well, obviously the moderation machine was chagrined at your changed login name. Perhaps it thought it came from the moon. Like some sort of star child in “2001.” A movie I liked. It is 50 years old this year. We still don’t have space stations with artificial gravity. Judging by the comments in news articles, an equal number of people liked and hated the film. That might be the mark of a great piece of art.

I can’t argue with that. However we’ve learned a new thing…if you change your name, the moderation machine will moderate you.

Nope she moved to Stockbridge Mass and opened up a restaurant behind a grocery store, it’s just around the back…about a half a mile from the railroad track.

Ah yes that was a great advertising ploy, in fact one of the best ever. Too bad his cousin Tom didn’t have the same buisness acumen……………..

Sadly…Tom’s laundry, which was located in a predominantly black part of town, was completely destroyed in a fire that police have labeled as having a “suspicious” origin.

Hummmm…..perhaps, but doubtful, as Tom used the last of his money to remodel the laundry to include the coloreds only entrance and thus could not afford insurance.

2012: Obama “Congratulations on winning Vlad.” — Chirps 2018: Trump “Congratulations on winning Vlad.” — IMPEACHMENT !!1!1!!!

If Jesus is really coming…and ya gotta look busy…then It’s really why too late to… you know…look busy.

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light, What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming, Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight, O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming? And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there; O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep, Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes, What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep, As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses? Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam, In full glory reflected now shines in the stream: ‘Tis the star-spangled banner, O long may it wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion, A home and a country, should leave us no more? Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution. No refuge could save the hireling and slave From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave: And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave, O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation. Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation! Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, And this be our motto: ‘In God is our trust.’ And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Paramedics called in that they had one again With the bad luck to be in such peril They always begun “Doc, a hundred to one” For the rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald.

Even though we look alike there is no truth to the rumor that I am really Kim Jung-un! ~ Michael Moore

Even though we look alike there is no truth to the rumor that I am really Michael Moore ~ Kim Jung-un

You always said people don’t do what they believe in they just do what’s most convenient then they repent.

But Eden is burning, either getting ready for elimination Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards

I was thinking of Twiggy rather than Tweeky. I once knew a girl named Twiggy. I haven’t seen her in a long time…but my doctor and I speak of her often.

Ah yes, ELO…they also told Beethoven to “roll over” I don’t think Iowa Jim would like their attitude.

I hoist my glass of Glenlivet to that…and it’s all thanks to baskets of deplorable type people, and other malcontents such as the vast right wing conspiracy and of course white women who had to vote in the manner their husbands or sons told them to vote. She did however carry California and the muckadoo vote. At this point though…what difference does it make as long as she’s not in the oval office….ever.

What!! The hell you say! There certainly is if you’re an illegal alien who just crossed the boarder into California….and for that matter, free breakfast and supper there too!

Not me, I live in Alaska where I’m well beyond the grasping reach of the California tax collectors and their greedy masters in Sacramento.

Alas gentlemen…you both have a valid point there…and sadly one I can’t argue with. However, there is nothing I can do to stop the misuse of my federal tax money, or to keep California from letting illegals vote. If I could…believe me, I damn sure would. It’s a FUBAR situation I find our nation in and I see no bright future ahead for my children and grand children. But hey!!! On the plus side, I have the last post on this thread…at least for the moment!

How about a Constitutional amendment that any state which refuses to implement any legal, constitutional federal law or exercise of federal authority forfeits any or all Federally transferred money at the discretion of the President?

A Constitutional amendment would probably work but I don’t see that happening very soon…if ever at all.

There is no way you can prove that you know. I am sure a stray astronomical object of two may have impacted the surface somewhere. It is statistically highly probable.

Ahem….I didn’t state that nothing happened on the Moon on the date given. I merely said nothing happened on this particular spot on that date. Perhaps I should have been more specific…nothing of any significance happened on this spot. Impacts that cause craters aren’t significant…after all if you’ve seen one crater you’ve seen them all and the Moon has craters galore. PS…Didn’t one of the IMAO Overlords bet we’d never get to 350 posts???

♫ If you miss The train of thought You will know that I am caught You will hear the whistle blow By the mods

Five hundred posts, five hundred posts Five hundred posts, five hundred posts You will hear the whistle blow: Five hundred posts. ♫

Still can’t prove your sign because nowhere has it been stated where it is specifically, only that it is on the Moon.

Ha! Just as I thought…he claims to be a law abiding mild mannered librarian….but he’s really a lawyer!!

Okay, okay I’ll come clean! It’s just a few craters away from the secret base established on the Moon by Nazis fleeing the end of World War II. It’s at 22 degrees; 42’38.46 N and 142 degrees; 34’44.52 E. Of course now that you’re privy to this info you’ll have to live the rest of your life as I do…one step ahead of the men in black…good luck.

Stay in the shadows, don’t bring attention to your self, only come out at night, keep a low profile, be anonymous, don’t stay too long in one place, and for God’s sake don’t attend any collage in the state of California and you just may make it….good luck.

Why thank you sir, however you will note…I use no capitol letter in the spelling of zzyzx. I am a modest man.

I think thls is how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough, let’s go west.

In the heat of a summer night in the land of the dollar bill… The town of Chicago died and they talk about it still.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar….their lack of faith due to God forsaking mankind has driven them to drink and alcoholism.

Ahhh, but to stay open they need cats therefore there has to be cats on the Moon. There, I’ve run rings around you logically.

No need cat to stay open…have plenty nice fat Moon rat. You try our deep-fried Mongolian Mugu Fu and you see.

… “Those lunar landers have been here pretty long and haven’t ordered anything yet; but we’re afraid to ask them to leave.” — Starbuck’s Barren Lunar Landscape

Better not to go there. If you ask them to leave you’ll have BLM on your butt and upper management will force you to take sensitivity training.

Few people can hate so bitterly, or so self-righteously as members of the leftest ruling caste which is in the process of being dispossessed.

When they knock down your front door how you gonna come? With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun?

Except for one thing…nobody (on the Moon) runs you down in their van because they’re not getting laid.

I’m drowning in a whiskey river, Bathing my mem’ried mind in the wetness of its soul. Feeling the amber current flowin’ from my mind. And warm an empty heart you left so cold.

It was connected to a post in one of those other threads, but that’s not important right now, what is important is that you do not post anything here in response. The security of the free world depends upon your restraint.

“Remember, we’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is more than she’s probably ever done!”

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Cold hearted orb that rules the night, Removes the colours from our sight, Red is gray and yellow white, But we decide which is right. And which is an illusion? Pinprick holes in a colourless sky, Let insipid figures of light pass by, The mighty light of ten thousand suns, Challenges infinity and is soon gone. Night time, to some a brief interlude, To others the fear of solitude. Brave Helios wake up your steads, Bring the warmth the countryside needs.

“Nights Writing Satires Never Reaching the End Letters Are Written Never Mean To Hit ‘Send’ . . . “

So…the Iranians have been making signs on the moon eh? Well I’m not an Iranian, and you’re not an Iranian, so that only leaves Oppo. After all, he’s the only one who hangs around here other than you and I. Therefor I suggest we send him to Gitmo…just incase.

There he goes gone again Same old story’s gotta come to an end Lovin’ him was a one way street But I’m gettin’ off where the crossroads meet It’s a quarter moon in a ten cent town Time for me to lay my heartaches down Saturday night gonna make myself a name Take a month of sundays to try and explain

It’s gonna be easy to fill The heart of a thirsty woman Harder to kill the ghost of a no good man And I’ll be ridin’ high in a fandangled sky It’s gonna be easy; It’s gonna be easy from now on

Raw as whip but clean as a bone Soft to touch when you take me home When the mornin’ comes and it’s time for me to leave Don’t worry ’bout me, I got a wild card up my sleeve

It’s gonna be easy to fill The heart of a thirsty woman Harder to kill the ghost of a no good man And I’ll be ridin’ high in a fandangled sky It’s gonna be easy, It’s gonna be easy It’s gonna be easy from now on

It is not the quotes. Damnit, I’m being persecuted for using a simple Japanese word denoting the person charged with finishing the Seppuko by cutting off the guy;s head! Is this America or some third world sh*thole?

Ok now they are just playing with my mind. It’s the Illuminati I tells ya, or I’m not saying its Aliens but…its Aliens.

♪ Kaishakunin it up, baby, now! Blacklist It Out C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, baby, now Come on excerpt it on out.

Well, some words are out (some words are out) Although they looked so good (looked so good) You know they’ve gotta be goin’ now (gotta be goin’) Just like I knew “tit” would (like I new “tit” would)

Kaishakunin, baby, now! Kaishakunin, baby, now! Kaishakunin, baby, now! Mod (mod) (mod) (mod . . . . . )(MOD . . . . !) [shakes head] ♪

“I’d like to get moderated, please.” [Gets hit on the head instead.] “Ow!” “Isn’t that what you came here for?” “No! I wanted to get moderated!” “Oh. That’s next door. This is getting-hit-on-the-head lessons.”

“I’d like to know why I got moderated, please.” “I’ve told you once.” “No you didn’t.” “Yes I did.” “No you didn’t.” “Yes I did. But I sequestered it before you saw it.” “Yes, but I can’t see what you sequestered.” “Look, if you can’t see it, then it must be offensive. Good day.” “But I don’t know what the offending term is.” “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to use it. Good day.”

Hummmm, the person being moderated wants to know why he’s being moderated and the person being asked this question can’t provide the answer for fear of being moderated. Sounds like a classic catch 22 situation to me.

♪ Moderator, well could you help me place this post See, the bummer is this watchlist is old and faded It’s living in P.C. With its best old friend the attorney It’s a word they said they knew well and sometimes hated . . .

But isn’t that the way they say IT goes Well let’s forget all that And give me the watchlist if you can find it So I can recall just not to say ’em anytime, and to show I’ve overcome the blow I’ve learned to take it well I only wish my words Could just convince myself That it just wasn’t real But that’s not the way it feels

Moderator, well could you help me place this post ‘Cause I can’t read the euphemism you just gave me There’s something in reply You know it happens every time… ♪

Filter: Sit down, Walrus. I think you know why you’re here, so I’ll do us the courtesy of not reviewing what happened yesterday.

My blog is the kind that has a certain . . . zest for living. The last thing any of us needs now is a lot of loose talk about Kaishakunin.

You know, despite what happened, I’m still convinced that you have many fine qualities. I think you can still become a gentleman some day — if you understand and abide by the rules of decent society.

There’s a lot of . . . well, badness, in the world today. I see it in cyberspace every day. I’ve sentenced posters younger than you to utter banning. I didn’t want to do it: I felt I owed it to them. The most important decision you can make right now is what you stand for: Goodness . . . or badness?

Walrus: Now I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past. I’m willing to make up for that. I want to be good!

Filter: Good! Very good! I know how hard it is for young people today and I want to help. Just ask sponsor Spaulding!! They and I are regular pals!

Kings absolute Are liable to frown Irascible, mute, and Severe to their clown. How like an algorithm Analyzing each noun Knowingly, glowingly, to Universal renown. Nuts to them! It can read across, but Not going down.

Okay! Enough of this needless frivality! It’s time to get back to the buisness at hand, doing what we do everyday…trying to get the last post on this thread!

“Extremism in defense of moderation is no vice. Moderation in pursuit of moderation is no virtue.”

Now who can argue with that? Not only was it authentic IMAO gibberish, it expressed a courage little seen in this day and age.

Affably, Affably, Affably onward, All in this valiant thread Wrote the six hundred. “Forward, the Moonlight Brigade! Charge for the puns!” he said: Into the folly of jest One wrote the six hundredth.

“Forward, the Moonlight Brigade!” Was there a plan display’d? The original poster knew Someone had blunder’d: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs to outdo or die: And one of them, to the folly of jest, Wrote the six hundredth.

Bannin’ to right of them, Bannin’ to left of them, Bannin’ in front of them Jolley’d and thunder’d; Storm’d at to stop a spell, Boldly they wrote and, well, Into the jaws of jest, One, into the mouth of Hell, Wrote the six hundredth.

Okay this is my absolute last post pertaining to moderation. So help me… IMAO Orienteer: You post at 8:30 every morning, except you post at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it’s a Monday, then you post at 8 o’clock. Post late and they moderate you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they moderate you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they moderate you! Zzyzx! That is your IMAO handle. It will not be repeated! Without your IMAO handle you cannot post at IMAO. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they moderate you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint….and they moderate you!

Oh they’ll moderate you even if your post is good they’ll moderate you cause they think they should. They’ll moderate you for words that you choose they’ll moderate you and set off your fuse but you shouldn’t feel all frustrated, everybody must get moderated!

Well, I don’t know why-a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there a chicken….and you’ll find out why a duck.

There were still more changes in the offing. I’ve never liked the sound of sirens, and I didn’t like one blowing in my ear whenever someone said the secret word. We had to change that.

Bernie Smith [codirector, effectively a producer]: “The duck was Groucho’s idea. He said, ‘We ought to have something come down. An elephant, or a pretty girl or a duck or something.’ I immediately said, ‘A duck is a funny animal. We’ll use a duck.’ ”

When I told my brother Chico about the duck, he asked me, for the thousandth time, it seems, “Why a duck? Why a no-chicken?”

Kim Il Sung University Physics Club confirms superiority of Marshal Kim Jong Un developed Bubble Theory over established String Theory.

Yes pretty much except for the advocates of the “String Theory” who were all sent to re-education camps…for their own good of course.

On the East Coast, we are several hours ahead of Alaska. Would you like us to tell you what the future holds?

Naw…I always find out what the future holds around ten o’clock (my time) when it’s two AM your time and you guys are sound asleep. Maybe I should call and let you know whats going on.

Nine out of ten dentists agree…right?? Makes me wonder…what does that tenth dentist know that the rest of them don’t??

Don’t break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones, they have two hundred six of them.

Probably easier to just cut it out and offer it to the Sun God to ensure his appearance each morning.

Thank you, thank you. I’d like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this moment possible.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

My gang initiation went well. I think. I got a beat in, later we talked about the subjectivity of morals, and I learned how to make a shank….and got a face tatoo. I think I could be the leader if I could just learn to speak Spanish.

If I gave you everything that I owned And asked for nothing in return Would you do the same for me as I would for you? Or take me for a ride And strip me of everything, including my pride

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi (Hidehidehidehidehidehidehi) Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho (Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho) Scoodiliboo-scoodiliboo-scoodili-bidili-bidiliboo (Scoodiliboo-scoodiliboo-scoodli-bidili-bidiliboo) A zootibitididdly bitididdly bitididdly bitidooey (Bitididdly bitididdly bitididdly dooey)

It all started with the neon-conservatives, who pushed back against Darwin’s “The Incandescent of Man.”

In “retail”iation, some communities started asserting that three-ways were normal. Some were on LCD.

dark adj 1 having little or no light a dark street 2 (of a colour) reflecting or transmitting little light dark brown Compare → light 1 → 29 → medium → 2 3 a (of complexion, hair colour, etc.) not fair or blond; swarthy; brunette b (in combination) dark-eyed 4 gloomy or dismal 5 sinister; evil a dark purpose 6 sullen or angry a dark scowl 7 ignorant or unenlightened a dark period in our history 8 secret or mysterious keep it dark 9 (Phonetics) denoting an (l) pronounced with a velar articulation giving back vowel resonance. In English, l is usually dark when final or preconsonantal. Compare → light 1 → 30 n 10 absence of light; darkness 11 night or nightfall 12 a dark place, patch, or shadow 13 a state of ignorance (esp. in the phrase in the dark) vb 14 an archaic word for → darken (Old English deorc; related to Old High German terchennen to hide) ♦ darkish adj ♦ darkly adv ♦ darkness n

Dictionary originally came from the Latin word dictionarius, meaning “a manual or book of words.” A dictionary is most commonly used to look up the definitions of particular words, but other information, such as etymology and usage guidelines, often appears as well. Electronic dictionaries can include even more information, like slang and popular texting acronyms.

Hummmmm…well I ‘spose there is that. Leads me to wonder if “they” would have fired Roseanne if she would have told an Alligator joke instead of an Ape joke??

Is there any insult that’s ok to use against a quinto-octoroon? (She’s 5/8 black – dad’s full, mom’s 1/4)

I think it’s time to….”just move on™” as the Democrats like to say when they’re in a jam.

Culture is to make a nice drinking bowl from one’s enemy’s skull. Civilization is to go to prison for that.

Hi! I’m an annoying popup. Enter your email in me to get updates on Frank J. Fleming’s science fiction and fantasy writing. Plus get a free short story. Fun!

Oh, and by the way, even if you do sign up you will still have to endure seeing the pop-up ad. All the time. In the sunshine and…

I like my women like I like my coffee. Stuffed in a sack and tied to the back of a mule led by Juan Valdez.

People secretly placed as human sources to gather information in Presidential campaigns are not spies.

I ran too hard I played too Rough I gave my Love Not near Enough I bled too red I cried too blue I beat my fist Against the moon All just to get to you

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Now, when I talked to God I knew he’d understand He said, “Stick by me and I’ll be your guiding hand But don’t ask me what I think of you I might not give the answer that you want me to”

Because, signs are my trade. I am a signer. My name is zyzzx the Signer. I arrange, design, and sell signs. Plus I don’t like to fly.

Keep your friends close to your enemies and your enemies inside your other enemies and fill your acquaintances with dread when you speak. ~ Vito Corleone

If there’s no Moon tax, I’ll find a Dem If you try to land, I’ll tax your LEM If you get a Buzz, then I’ll reveal There’s no such thing a free Neil.

That answers the age old question that has plagued mankind for generations. Why are there no soccer hooligans on the Moon??

First Oppo and now Cliff plus you never know when one of the omnipotent moderators well show up…it’s getting mighty crowded here on the Moon.

Sure do hate to see you this way walruskkkch. What if we could end this madness…what if we were to hire Iowa Jim to come here and officially destroy this thread for good?? Would that pep ya up a bit?

All they have to do is recruit Iowa Jim to post on this thread, and it’s finally done. Finito. And it’s come so far.

© 2018, walruskkkch. All rights reserved. Honduras Bound (to the tune of “Homeward Bound” by Simon and Garfunkel)

Still sitting in the detention center. Got no papers to let them enter. On a trek from distance lands a suitcase, but no papers in hand. to get stopped had not been planned to skip their hearing would be grand.

(Chorus) Honduras bound I wish they were Honduras bound. Honduras where from they tried escaping, Honduras where they should be staying, Honduras where I love for them to stay away from me.

Every day’s an endless stream Of stupid covers of magazines. And each tweet looks the same to me, like they’re produced in some factories And every crying child I see reminds me I know where they should be,

Tonight they repeat themselves again, They’ll play a game and pretend. But all their words sound to me like a shady mendacity filled with empty sophistry All they can do is insult me.

The moon, by definition, is it’s own border. Now stop posting here, I’m trying to get some sleep.

Are you saying Ni to me? Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to to anyone they please. There is a pestilence upon this blog, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design signs on the Moon are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law; and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

That depends on what you mean. Are you referring to changing a burnt out light bulb for a working light bulb or are you referring to the mass change of American made incandescent light bulbs for the curly made in China light bulbs?

Nuclear free zone. Abslutly no nuclear weapons or nuclear devices of any sort allowed on this Moon. This means you!

Q: Do the actual explosions count? A: Of course the actual explosions count. What’s the use of having nuclear weapons if you don’t explode one once in a while? While the Moon seems like it would be an ideal place to have a nuclear explosion, I suggest a more practical target, such as North Korea, or any country you would care to name in the Middle East. We would miss the Moon whereas no one would miss Iran or Syria or Iraq or Turkey, or several others I could mention…after all none of those countries control the tide or have songs written about them or really matter that much.

“Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation” yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation.

I have eaten at Joe’s but I’m not welcome there anymore…

I simply object to a girlfriend who will kill you and eat you! I think that’s a reasonable objection!.


So you are not saying she is an Alien but…she is an alien? Does say loads about your Father though.

ONE MILE AHEAD THE LUNAR FRIED CHICKEN RESTAURANT… The food is excellent, but there’s no atmosphere.

Back on an old site we called in the Hunt for the “K”, or thousandth post at the site. Since posts were numbered across all the threads you didn’t know where they might show up. We called them “Khunts”. I had so many I stopped trying for them and became the Master of the Khunt and kept track of the winners and officiated any disputes.

ANYONE WHO FINDS ONE OF THE GOLF BALLS THE APOLLO ASTRONAUTS HIT 2 THOUSAND YARDS WITH A LUNAR SAND WEDGE GETS TO KEEP THEM. (never mind they wasted a whole day playing golf instead of working like Obama did many times)

This is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination.





Who is the tall, dark stranger there? Maverick is the name. Ridin’ the trail to who knows where, Luck is his companion, Gamblin’ is his game. Smooth as a handle on a gun. Maverick is the name. Wild as the wind in Oregon, Blowin’ up a canyon, Easier to tame.

Riverboat, ring your bell, Fare thee well, Annabel. Luck is the lady that he loves the best. Natchez to New Orleans Livin on jacks and queens Maverick is a legend of the west.

Riverboat, ring your bell, Fare thee well, Annabel. Luck is the lady that he loves the best. Natchez to New Orleans Livin on jacks and queens Maverick is a legend of the west. Maverick is the legend of the west!

My question is what does Natchez or New Orleans have to do with the western part of the United States???

Good point walrus, neither did I. So…I stand corrected…THEY made Obama President of the United States.

Cliff, let me tell you…as an old veteran of posting on this thread you’ve got to learn how to pace yourself…like walruskkkch, Oppo and I do, otherwise you’ll burn yourself out. You got’s to have some patience.


That could be true. Just look at how the people of the old testament were constantly punished for even the smallest of infractions.

In an Euler diagram, goth, emo, and hipster would all be overlapping circles within the larger “douche-bag” set.

Tonight only!! Live at the Luna Lounge!! The one and only Pachelbel’s Chicken….beeeeee THERE or beeeee SQUARE!!

National Moon Day is observed annually on July 20 and commemorates the day man first walked on the moon in 1969.

In 1971, President Richard Nixon proclaimed National Moon Landing Day on July 20 to commemorate the anniversary of man’s first moon landing.

North Korea takes swipe at Moon, urges return of restaurant workers Reuters | 20 Jul 2018 | Hyonhee Shin

SEOUL – North Korea lambasted South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in on Friday for “needlessly kibitzing” about relations between Pyongyang and Washington and dismissed Moon’s pledge to take the driver’s seat on the Korean Peninsula as “sophistry”.

Hitler’s people tried to kill him on July 20th. Coincidence? I think not! It is a sign, like on the, the, the Moon. Trump must be resisted!

“Just heard the Campaign was sued by the Obstructionist Democrats. This can be good news in that we will now counter for the DNC Server that they refused to give to the FBI, the Debbie Wasserman Schultz Servers and Documents held by the Pakistani mystery man and Clinton Emails. 4:19 PM – 20 Apr 2018 ”

Description: This sleek, white-furred hound stands three feet tall at the shoulder. Its paws resemble hands and its face seems preternaturally wise.

Life is like soup. It’s murky, has lots of little bits in it that you can’t quite tell what they are, and generally, it needs more salt.

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead And the white knight is talking backward And the red queen’s off with her head Remember what the door mouse said Feed your head, feed your head, feed your head

Back on an old site we called in the Hunt for the “K”, or thousandth post at the site. Since posts were numbered across all the threads you didn’t know where they might show up. We called them “Khunts”. I had so many I stopped trying for them and became the Master of the Khunt and kept track of the winners and officiated any disputes. — Walrus

Scroll down(and that’s an invitation) Scroll down for the millennial post Scroll down(to make a compilation)

“The Long Unwinding Posts That lead to this thread Will never disappear I’ve seen their like before They always lead to here: After or before. …

But silly leads me back To the one Thousandth post You’ll find me waiting here Haunting like a ghost — Don’t leave me writing here (lead me) Lead me two before!”

Well, you can tell by the way I use my chalk, I’m a countin’ man: no time to talk. Music loud and women warm — I’ve kicked that around since I was born. But this thrill’s tight! It’s 1 K! And you may look the other way. You can try to understand The thousand post’s effect on man.

Whether you’re a hoster or whether you’re a poster, It’s stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. Feel the record breakin’ and everybody shakin’, It’s stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive. ++

Now somewhere in the backwater regions of IMAO There lived a young boy named Zzyzx, yeah And one day his mouth ran off to another guy Hit young Walrus in the pride Walrus didn’t like that He said, “I’m gonna get that boy.” So one day he posted on the moon and Found himself at High Noon with the local saloon crowd

Post on the Moon Check in, come next June Only to find mods and libel Posters and trolls Equipped with their goals To beat out the posts of their rivals The rivals, it seems Had spoken of dreams Of sealing their place with advances The game was unending As long as they kept on sending — And each of them still took their chances.

Now Walrus and Zzyzx, who tried to defy physics Were in the chat room feeling low-down Oppo burst in, and grinning a grin He said, “Hi there, boys, this is a showdown” But Moon Posters were tight, they took up the fight And Oppo collapsed in the coroner

Now ol’ Cliff came in, stinking of gin And proceeded to hike up the tabulation He said, “Posters, you’ve met your match” And posters said, “Cliff, it’s only a batch And we’ll do better, we’ll be better, Doc, as soon as we are able”

Now posts on the Moon Will continue soon Only outlasted by the Bible Oppo checked it out, And the Left did, no doubt, Confused by the Moon Posts’ survival!!

Now somewhere in the backwater regions of IMAO There lived a young boy named Zzyzx, yeah And one day his mouth ran off to another guy Hit young Walrus in the pride Walrus didn’t like that He said, “I’m gonna get that boy.” So one day he posted on the moon and Found himself at High Noon with the local saloon crowd

Post on the Moon Check in, come next June Only to find mods and libel Posters and trolls Equipped with their goals To beat out the posts of their rivals The rivals, it seems Had spoken of dreams Of sealing their place with advances The game was unending As long as they kept on sending — And everyone still took their chances.

Now Walrus and Zzyzx, who tried to defy physics Were in the chat room feeling low-down Oppo burst in, and grinning a grin He said, “Hi there, boys, this is a showdown” But Moon Posters were tight, they took up the fight And Oppo collapsed into the coroner

Now ol’ Cliff came in, stinking of gin And proceeded to hike up the tabulation He said, “Posters, you’ve met your match” And posters said, “Cliff, it’s only a batch And we’ll do better, we’ll be better, Doc, as soon as we are able”

Now posts on the Moon Will continue soon Only outlasted by the Bible Oppo checked it out, And the Left did, no doubt, Confused by the Moon Posts’ survival! Doo-doo doo do doo do doo-do . . . .

Been having computer issues today. Takes about an hour to load any IMAO page (no problem, though, with any other website at all).

Can’t wait until Monday, when I’ll be able to use another computer and see if it is just limited to this one!

I’ve got a word or two To say about all these things from you two You’re posting, cracking wise And flouting good things we could have if we’d just close our eyes

I’ve left use far behind The moon is now full of the signs you had in mind And though it’s not the K I know your mind’s made up: You’re going to post more anyway

Do what you want to do Until the posting’s through Drink to yourself And I’ll lift a glass to you

Although you’re minds are piqued Try thinking less, if just for my own psyche The future still looks good And you’ve got time to make replies To all the things if you think you should

Do what you want to do I know that you’re going to Drink to yourself And I’ll lift a glass to you

Actually the coolest thing to do would be to leave it at 999 and never post that 1000th post…ever. PS Hope that glass is full of 18 year old Glenlivet.

Trusted frat on IMAO, headin’ for detention Feelin’ nearly fated as my genes Walrus thumbed ol’ Oppo down, just before he mentioned, “Tuchus” all the way to New Orleans.

Well, I took my Harpoon out Of a dirty red cabana And was blowin’ suds while Zzyzx sang the blues, With them Moon Nukers keeping count and Oppo clappin’ hands

Freedom’s just another word for nothing Frank could lose, No Moon ain’t worth nothin’ but it’s free, Feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when Walrus sang the blues, And buddy, that was good enough for me, Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.

From the gold mines of Capitalism, to the California rant, IMAO shredded the secrets of my soul, Standin’ right beside me through everything I can’t, And every night it kept me from the cold, cold, cold. Then somewhere near Salinas, Lord, I let it slip away, Still lookin’ for the home and I hope it finds it, Well I’d trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday, Holder’s liberal body close to mine.

Liberal’s just another word for nothin’ left to loose, And nothin’ left was all Che left me, Feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when Walrus sang the blues, And buddy, that was good enough for me. Good enough for me and Bobby McGee.

When she appeared, she was indeed a very beautiful woman….still Sinbad decided to phrase his next two wishes a bit more carefully.

I spurned the truth at seventeen That “beauty queens” meant “beauty queens” And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles Married young, and then acquired

And those of us in our safe spaces Liking antisocial places Desperately remained at home Inventive LARPers on the phone

Who called to say “Come dance with me” And murmured vague obscenities At Republicans, alone, it seems At seventeen.

And brown-eyed girls in hand-me-downs Whose name I never could pronounce Said, “Pity, please, the Antifas They only hate their Ma and Pas.”

And rich-relationed Hollywood queens, Barely sold in magazines, And guaranteed to more Weinsteins Social fodder for the over-tweens

Dismember those who win the game Bruise the love they sought to gain Indictments, inequality And dubious integrity

Their small-town eyes will gape at you In dull surprise when payment’s due And exceeds the lurid accounts received By seventeen.

To those of us who knew the pain Of Sarah Palin’s, Sanders’ names And those whose names were never called When choosing sides for free-for-all

Long ago and far away The world was younger than today Even Dems believed we all were free And ugly ducklings tried to be

We played the game and when we dared To cheat the voters at solitaire Invent collusion on the phone Repeat the other lies unknown

Who called to say “Come dance with me”? And murmured vague obscenities At Republicans, alone, it seems Maybe it was Vogue, or Seventeen.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… UNFAIR – UNBALANCED – UNMEDICATED – UNCIRCUMCISED

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… PAY TELESCOPES…YOU CAN SEE ENTIRE CALIFORNIA ON FIRE FROM HERE!

Excuse me while I light my spliff; (spliff) Good God, I gotta take a lift: (lift) From reality I just can’t drift; (drift) That’s why I am staying with this riff. (riff)

The purpose…of this sign. Is to…apologize..for its…gratuitous use…of…Shatnerian phrasing pacing.


Mainly moon rocks! Did you know even a small one can sell for thousands of dollars on earth? I’m not even kidding. Search Engine it.

They prefer to be called Rock Hounds. This fact should have already been well established in the annals of your memory.

Man thinks ’cause he rules the earth he can do with it as he please And if things don’t change soon, he will Oh, man has invented his doom First step was touching the moon.

It’s about time, It’s about space, About strange people in the strangest place. It’s about time, It’s about flight, Travelin’ faster than the speed of light.

About space people and a brave crew, As through the barrier of time they flew. Pass the Roman Senators, Pass an armored knight, Pass the firing Minutemen, To this modern website.

Openeing theme song of a weirdo space / time travel TV comedy about two astronauts, from about the time of “Car 54 Where Are You?’ and about as sophisticated.

Oh yeah, I remember it was, The Adventures of Capt. Video and his pal Corporal Skippy. Capt. Video was played by Lyle Bettger and I forget who played Corporal Skippy.

I remember Space Ghost…years later he took up a very successful career as a late night talk show host.

What the vampire doesn’t know is that we’ve secretly replaced the blood he normally drinks with NEW Folgers decaffeinated blood. Let’s watch.

It’s the big “W” I tell you! The big “W” fooled the moderation machine. I can’t try the “K” word because I swore off posting it again.

Poor devil was on another kryptonite jag again eh? I guess what goes on in the Fortress of Solitude doesn’t always stay there.

Except to his girlfriend (the one who introduced him to BLM), apparently, who tells him what to do when and where. lol

You can’t cotton to evil. You have to smack evil on the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of justice and say, ‘Bad evil. Bad, BAD evil.’

DAVID HOGG FOR CONGRESS 2025 (great, I hope he knocks on my door campaigning so I can show him my vast arsenal of weapons especially my commemorative Anti-Antifa elephant gun).

Sadly he would probably get easily elected depending on where he runs. There are quite a few rotten boroughs out there.

Imagine this, you have just finished a bath or shower, you are all wet. What do you do now? Let yourself drip dry? No, that would make you cold. How about grabbing a towel and drying off. No, reusing towels over and over again invites mold and bacteria to grow. Your bath towel is full of nasty bugs, and washing your towel after every bath is wasteful, expensive, and bad on the environment. But what other choices do you have? Well, now there is the Body Squeegee! Just rub the Body Squeegee over your body, once, twice, three times, and you are completely dry. That’s once, twice, three times, and you are completely dry. There has never been anything like it, just once, twice, three times, and you are completely dry. It’s a modern miracle! And if you order right now, we will send you the Finger Squeegee at no additional charge. Just stick your finger or toe into the Finger Squeegee, once, twice, three times, and your finger is completely dry! That right, it is totally amazing! And as a special offer to our listeners today, we will include the Butt Squeegee as a free gift to you. The Butt Squeegee fits into hard to reach cracks. Just rub the Butt Squeegee once, twice, three times and your ass is as dry as the desert. Women can use the Butt Squeegee on the front too; just once, twice, three times, and you are completely dry! Just think of the savings on douches and yeast infection cures. The Body Squeegee comes with a no-risk, iron-clad, money-back guarantee. If you are not completely satisfied with the Body Squeegee for any reason, just send it back and we will promptly refund your money, and you can keep the Butt Squeegee as our personal gift to you. The Body Squeegee is not available in stores, you can only order it from the number at the bottom of your screen. Don’t delay, order the Body Squeegee today!

Yes I am a pirate 200 years too late The cannons don’t thunder there’s nothing to plunder I’m an over 40 victim of fate Arriving too late, arriving too late.

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better take a much closer look at the American Indian. ~ H. Ford

Wherever there are rich men trying not to feel old, there will be young girls trying not to feel poor.

Well, things definitely started going downhill when she and Dennis Rodman became an item for a few months in 1994.

Invisible bacon to you! Well lets narrow it down. The Thing is too ugly for her. The Human Torch is way too hot for her. So I guess it has to be Mr. Fantastic. He can hug her with those stretchy arms from almost anywhere not to mention what can be done with his tongue.

) She can screw you by disappearing as you pass a cop in a High-Occupancy Vehicle Lane. Make you look like a doofus coming out of the Tunnel of Love. Make you look like a perv by coming on to you at a Victoria’s Secret store.

All I know is the Inivisible Man better not make a move on her if she’s my chick! I would still have a tape recorder out collecting evidence.

This is old news. I already posted that fact to this thread on 07 Jan 2018 @ exactly high noon while sitting in my civics class.

That’s a very astute observation on your part walrus. Therefore one must wonder what was Cliff was really up to on 07 Jan 2018 @ exactly high noon, while he claims he was sitting in his civics class?

And what about when when zzyzx was claiming all of those manly dames from the belle epoque were beautiful?

Two hotties, perhaps three in the wanted posters. Funny names, too. Way too many clothes, and extremely complicated hair. Don’t know if you were allowed to touch it.

Rich names, though. Were they single? Did they have control of their fortunes? Answer the second question first. Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you? I loved them.

You know, that last post took so long to load that I got a chuckle out of thinking about the poor NSA fool who has to sit and read these things!

There is no “I” in “team.” But then again there’s no “Z” in “xenophobia.” So go figure.

“I’m the first female on the moon and if you grope me I will slap you so hard even google won’t be able to find you”!

Now shown to carry more viruses than a toilet seat…Why hell, the usual suspects of course….rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, s**t-kickers and Methodists. Number 85 and many more to come….enjoy!

That’s about the only thing she’s never tried to blame on the “vast right wing conspiracy” that’s been after her and Bill for years.

Happy birthday Harvey! You used to jump off the couch, jog 5 miles and end with a snack in the kitchen. Now you use a shortcut to the kitchen.

Welcome to paradise! No hurricanes, no tornadoes, no floods, no moonquakes, no climate change..wait…climate change? We have no climate!

Today Barack Obama found out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State….his comment…”Can you imagine that?”

Bragging rights to Walrus for coming up with an idea (and actually developing the parody, furthermore) months before Clarice and American Thinker:

Looking back on the week’s events, it occurs to me that the Democrats’ new theme song should be “Let’s Do the Time Warp Again” as they reprise the demagogic lies and smear tactics that once worked for them but are now failing for anyone with a memory longer than a week or two.

Experts now agree: Hillary Clinton was the best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%.

I was rendered psychologically inert because of Brett Kavanaugh. In 1980 something. Somewhere in Maryland. Maybe. There were 4 of them, or maybe two. Yes Two and I have finally found the gumption to speak up on this now. Because. I am a left wing activist who just wants to help her party, err country, yes country.

Dated rape! He farced himself upon me! I’m living with the Republercussions! Anita safe space now! #MeChoo! {Gesundheit}

The only difference between her and James Hodgkinson’s assassination attempt is that she didn’t use a gun.

Come to notice, we all have double consonants in our screen names, but I’m the only one of three without three of one.

I started to use Mississippi as my name and would have become the Alpha Male of the group by far without even buying a vowel.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

But Maxine Waters HAS tried to contact us but to no avail. I guess the antennas under her massive wig quit working years ago,

Jack & Jill went up the hill, Each with a buck and a quarter…. Jill came down with $2.50, A smile, and a daughter.

Jack & Jill went up the hill, Where Jack liked to read Nietzsche Jack had to frown When Jill went down The hill, again — this being PG.

Brett and the shill Went up to the Hill To kvetch to Maxine Waters Brett had to promise He was no Clarence Thomas And the shill had to tell who bought her.

As I was walkin’ – I saw a sign there And that sign said – no tress passin’ But on the other side… it didn’t say nothin! Now that side was made for you and me!

Did you know an Olympian quality type of High Jumper athlete could jump up on the moon and actually start going in an orbit around the moon and become, technically, a moon of the moon?!

I object your honor! While it may be true that the pump don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles. I put it to you that there’s no proof they also took the door handle, or that indeed…anyone took the door handle. Therefore the question, “Why should I use the door handle when I’ve got a perfectly good rocket launcher?” remains a valid question. A question which in these trying times of uncertainty in our nation’s history should be asked…and indeed should be answered.

My resolution’s placed, and I have nothing Of woman in me; now from head to foot I am marble-constant, now the fleeting moon No planet is of mine.

The moon shines bright. In such a night as this. When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees and they did make no noise, in such a night.

This is where Armstrong said the Eagle has landed..but don’t go looking for eagles or their nests.. That would be a waste of oxygen, you know, like an Obama speech.

History teaches us that virgins are valuable, if for no other reason than angry volcano gods all seem to find them delicious.

Okay I Googled it. He, she, it, sounds like a person with a lot of problems. Whereas my only problem is getting the last post on this thread.

If nobody comes up here and buys a car in the next hour, I’m gonna club this baby seal. That’s right, I’m gonna club this seal to make you a deal. You know I’ll do it too, cause I’m Crazy Ernie!

I’ve decided not to club a baby seal after all, instead I’m gonna club this Democrat. That’s right, I’m gonna club this Democrat to make you a deal. You know I’ll do it too, cause I’m Crazy Ernie!

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

I wrote a business plan for a store called Victor’s Secret. It would sell dainty, slinky, skimpy men’s undergarments for metrosexuals, Broadway musical enthusiasts, single male soccer coaches, male Hillary Clinton supporters, Bernie bros, late night TV hosts, and other assorted closet cases.

So, Democrats can find a 35 year old drunken High school party story, but still cant find Hillary e-mails.

Listen, drunk high school girls making up stories of sexual “abuse” is no basis for a system of determining an appointment for the Judiciary.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: ‘Give us more government or everyone dies,’ ‘Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,’ ‘Impeach Trump or everyone dies,’ ‘Stop the fear mongering or everyone dies.’

“An allegation standing alone is not necessarily sufficient to conclude that conduct occurred, particularly where the accusing party declines to produce supporting evidence that she herself asserts exists…”

Free?!..don’t give me that socialist crap!..I will un-friend you!..wait…this isn’t facebook…well I don’t give a damn!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

Kavanaugh’s Kindergarten coloring books found, used incorrect flesh tone and colored outside the lines.

Future site of the first Lunar Penal Colony. There is no escaping. It’s impossible. You thought Devil’s Island and Alcatraz were a nightmare? bwahahahahahaha!

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

I’m glad to inform you that my “Alexa” assistant informed me that she can translate the entire Spanish Inquisition goals and policies to me.

Yes Senator Schumer I disagree with your opinion, but I will defend to the death your right to go screw yourself

I was on a bus and we lost cell phone coverage. An hour later, we had split into two rival tribes, and I hit Piggy in the head with a rock.

Joke of the day: “If I ran for potus, I would win,” Alec Baldwin said. “I would absolutely win.”

♩ People lie. I’m POTUS bound! (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) Just some laws to g-g-get around (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) Things I do look awful f-f-fraught (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) Hopi I’ll die before I get c-c-aught (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations)

Why won’t it all f-f-f-fade away? (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) Don’t try to dig into what I s-s-say (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) A little non compos compen-s-s-sation (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) For talkin’ ’bout the Ch-Ch-Cherokee nation (Talkin’ ’bout nine generations) ♩

♩ Let’s all get up, rain-dance to a lie That took a hit Before another was born Though she’s still got a long, long way to go Her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother should know (“Ah-ahh”) Her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother should know . . . ♩

♩ Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

I grew up in a teepee in Norway At least they know my name They said, “You can still sleep in Cambridge tonight” A little ‘make-up’ and talk it away.

The Democratic Underground, And degrees, stop blowback when I err I remember throwin’ accusations around “You didn’t build that” – preachin’ from my chair

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) ‘Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I’m on the tube, I’m out of town Back to the Rollin’ Pin I felt a little like a dying clown With a streak of Rin Tin Tin

I stretched the truth, just a hiccup And looked back on my busy day Eleven hours on CNN God, there’s got to be another way ♩

Her friend in the DNA lab “came up with the conclusion that she MAY BE 1/1024 Cherokee based on a marker that some Cherokee sometimes have. And the margin of error is 1/256. She may be 0.00097561 Cherokee.”

“Sure, she “may be” 0.00097561 Cherokee based on DNA from Colombia, Peru and Mexico, lol. And zero DNA from actual Cherokee people.”

Women retain and carry living DNA from every man with whom they have sexual intercourse, according to a new study by the University of Seattle and the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center.

The study, which discovered the startling information by accident, was originally trying to determine if women who have been pregnant with a son might be more predisposed to certain neurological diseases that occur more frequently in males.

But as the scientists picked apart the female brain, the study began to veer wildly off course. As it turns out, the female brain is even more mysterious than we previously thought.

The study found that female brains often harbor “male microchimerism“, or in other words, the presence of male DNA that originated from another individual, and are genetically distinct from the cells that make up the rest of the woman.

According to the study: “63% of the females (37 of 59) tested harbored male microchimerism in the brain. Male microchimerism was present in multiple brain regions.”

This has very important ramifications for women. Every male you absorb spermatazoa from becomes a living part of you for life. The women autopsied in this study were elderly. Some had been carrying the living male DNA inside them for well over 50 years.

Sperm is alive. It is living cells. When it is injected into you it swims and swims until it crashes headlong into a wall, and then it attaches and burrows into your flesh. If it’s in your mouth it swims and climbs into your nasal passages, inner ear, and behind your eyes. Then it digs in. It enters your blood stream and collects in your brain and spine.


♩ Well, I remember how she went Left on that Stormy fight Oh, she dissed me and got out of her head And though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out on that floor She backed the hags and turned the Right away

And she kept on telling me She kept on telling me She kept on telling me I want proof (I want proof) I need proof (I need proof) But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna have proof Now don’t be sad (don’t be sad ’cause) ‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad

And she kept on telling me She kept on telling me She kept on telling me Minority (Minority!) Hires (Hires!) There ain’t no way they’re ever gettin’ fired Now don’t be sad (Don’t be sad, Liz) ‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad ♩

♩ No ancestors never married a pure Cherokee My mother’s people all said they’d be ashamed of me The Indians said I was white by natural law The White House Man always called me “Indian Squaw”

[Chorus:] One-Thousand-and-a-Half-breed, that’s all I ever heard LaughingStork, how I learned to hate the word Bad Seed, she’s no good, they said, old Warren Both sides were against me since the day I turned borin’ ♩

We don’t need no education We dont need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teachers leave them kids alone Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone! All in all it’s just another rock on the moon.

We don’t need no education We dont need no thought control No dark sarcasm on the moonscape Moon men leave them kids alone Hey! Moon men! Leave them kids alone! All in all it’s just another sign on the moon.

“If you don’t EVA, you can’t have any landing! How can you have your landing if you don’t EVA?”

I wish I could post the painting. Hey! Thanks for the thumbs ups! And it appears you got the 1.5K award.

“Hold my beer, and watch this thread!” That was what the Walrus said. And when the thread was finally done Zzyxz said “So’s the beer, son.”

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you’re a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you’re a vegetarian.

we are detecting an interloper on the moon. Move to defense condition Alpha. Arm all weapons systems.

We had 2 bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls.

The other day I met the Surgeon General…he offered me a cigarette! I tell ya I don’t get no respect. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“And though the nudes were rather sad They had to account for them all . . . Nobody was probably sure If Gwen Ifill was Albright’s whore I’d love to turn you on .. . “

Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re diabetic, in which case, insulin is the best medicine.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

Ladies and gentlemen! You’ve read about it in the newspapers! Now, shudder as you observe, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature’s mistakes! I give you… THE AVERAGE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT! Often born physically unremarkable, it has instead developed a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of its own importance. The club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It’s certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all are its fraul and useless notions of order, sanity, and conformity to, rules, regulations and government control. If control of others is taken from them… they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor, pathetic specimen survive in today’s harsh and irrational world? The sad answer is “not very well.” Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this, any other response would be crazy!

Quando para mucho mi amore de fellice Corazón Nundo paparazzi mi amore chi quefelli Parasol Questo abrigado tanta mucho que quenite Carousel.

Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people, who have a right… and a desire to know; but besides this, they have a right, an indisputable, unalienable, indefeasible, divine right to that most dreaded and envied kind of knowledge, I mean of the characters and conduct of their rulers.

And in the remainder, there is a non-zero possibility that cheating will be exposed, and even reported (though not in the media), regardless of whether anyone is eventually prosecuted.

And all I could hope for was that I cancelled out some socialist’s vote, in the belief that Normals just plain outnumber them.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?

Look at my beautiful picture on the moon. I am Speaker again and will be living rent-free again inside your heads. bwahahahahahaha

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

United Nations reports over three million Venezuelans have left their country, to spread good news of Democratic Socialism.

Liberal: “Turn in all of your guns to prevent more gun violence.” Me: “Cut off your penis to prevent more rapes.” Liberal: “But I’m not going to rape anybody.” Me: “Exactly.”

It’s so he can’t easily stick his head up his ass…really doesn’t stop him from doing so though.

Coming to a theater near you…Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil Mutant Hellbound Flesh Eating Crawling Alien Zombified Subhumanoid Living Dead.

But one thing they don’t tell you about the blues When you got em You keep on falling cause there ain’t no bottom There ain’t no end

I guess it’s really true when they say,,,”What goes around, comes around. ~ Michael Avenatti, former presidential candidate.

The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those that vote for a living.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least that’s what the restraining order says.

I for one certainly did, and believe me when I say you DO feel pretty puny in a thing like that. By the way…The City of Anchorage will be sending you a large bill for bridge and road repair.

My wife says I have only two faults…I don’t listen and some other stuff she was rattling on about.

Allons enfants de la patrie, Le jour de gloire est arrivé ! Contre nous de la tyrannie L’étendard sanglant est levé ! (bis) Entendez-vous dans les campagnes, Mugir ces féroces soldats ? Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras Égorger nos fils, nos compagnes!

Tis a sad day when ruffians can roam about the moon planting giant signs that say “Plutterniktorin.” Signs that can even be read by innocent children. What is our society coming to?

Life isn’t like a bowl of cherries. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos — what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

I am he as you are he as you are me And we are all together See how they run like pigs from a gun See how they fly I’m crying.

Well, it was just apogee’in’ You know what I mean And the way it looked was way beyond compare . ..

Seminal Pilferers — Climbing up the Eiffel Tower: Elementary Parisiens Singing Hakuna Matata? Man, you should them nicking heads off kings.

Seminal Pilferers — Climbing up the Eiffel Tower: Elementary Parisiens Singing Hakuna Matata? Man, you should have seen them nicking all the heads off kings.

You must be alluding to Nancy Pelosi most likely being Speaker of the House once again. Yep, sad but true.

I never meant to say that the Liberals are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Liberal.

Warning! Rioting French people who thought the USA would be footing the bill for “global warming” but found out they would have to pay for it themselves….next exit.

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities!

They say that its Christmas… and what have you done? Another year over… and more moonsigns to be hung.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Trump’s surprise Syria pullout is a giant Christmas gift to our enemies. ~ The Washington Post (December)

2 – 4 – 6 – 8! What did just depreciate? Ou–r-r-r-r-r Non-Amortized Allowable Holdover Schedule 109 Fixed Assets From Prior Five-Year Estimations!! Yay!

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you; tell him that a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Books are a poor substitute for female companionship, but they’re easier to find and cheaper to maintain.

Former news hostess Megan Kelly to receive 70 billion Won, for doing nothing. as millions of children starve in desolate wastes of England and France. ~ DPRK News Service

you may not be interested in the Straight line of the day but the straight line of the day is interested…in you!


“You may have access to the repository of genius . . . the wisdom of centuries . . . examples from the literature of the entire history of the world, but I . . . ”

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To speak of many things: “Of Choison ships, and SEALS and WACS Of — oh, forget it — Pings.”

On this day, January 20, 2017 two years ago, Hillary Clinton was NOT inaugurated President of the United States. lolololol

I didn’t realize banging on a drum and and wailing like a banshee was a form of spiritualism. I was referring to this guy who comes complete with a toady who keeps repeating the term “dats right”……..

You know it was illegal for him to talk anyway, he wasn’t in possession of the “Talking Stick”. I know my Indian laws.

Why do computer scammers usually have an Indian accent? So we can tell them from politicians and news reporters.

If Democrats don’t want foreigners involved in our elections, why do they think it’s all right for illegals to vote?

The DNC is mad at Russia because the Russians tried to manipulate our elections by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our elections!!

Why is it that Democrats think Superdelegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?

Well, not really; but he did have a poster in the background of 2001: A Space Odyssey that reads: “Visit The AMAZON HOVERTEL.”

“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got him to come down from 25 to 10 commandments. The bad news is that Adultery is still in.”

Doctor: What’s your greatest weakness? Me: Honesty. Doctor: I don’t think honesty is a weakness. Me: I don’t give a s**t what you think!

Having more money doesn’t make you at all happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.

And if my thought-dreams could be seen They’d probably put my head in a guillotine But it’s alright, Ma, it’s life, and life only.

I’m so unhip that when you say Dylan, I think you’re talking about Dylan Thomas (whoever he was). The man ain’t got no culture.

“Cow fart free at last; cow fart free at last: thank God Almighty, we’re cow fart free at last!”

I’m not saying that we may still have some trouble with Alien farts but… we may still be having trouble with Alien farts.

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

Because they want the job done right?I will now go to my bunker and hide for the next few years until the fallout subsides.

Odd, I originally put the italicized remarks in brackets and they didn’t show up in the post. What am I missing?

My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.

Why doesn’t earths moon have a name like all the other planets? Something cool like Scarface maybe.

Earth’s moon does have a name: In English, it’s “the moon.” The word moon is Proto-Germanic in origin, deriving from a similar-sounding word that came into use a few thousand years ago in Northern Europe.

For most of human history, there didn’t need to be a more specific term to differentiate our moon from other moons that orbit other planets in the solar system, and for good reason: we didn’t know there were any other moons. “Until Galileo discovered that Jupiter had moons in 1610, people thought that the moon was the only moon that existed,” NASA’s lunar science website states.

“After other moons were discovered,” the NASA site continues, “they were given different names so that people would not confuse them with each other. We call them moons because they orbit planets the same way that the moon orbits around Earth.”

The four biggest of Jupiter’s 64 moons — the ones discovered by Galileo in 1610 — are named Io, Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.

In Latin, our satellite’s name is “Luna.” Because a significant chunk of English comes from Latin, many terms associated with the moon are related to this Latin name — for example, the adjective “lunar,” and the noun “lunatic,” an old-fashioned word for a mentally ill person. (Madness was thought to be correlated with the phases of the moon.)

In Greek, our moon is named “Selene,” as is the moon goddess of ancient Greek mythology. The English word “selenology,” or the study of the moon’s geology, derives from it.

If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails, wiped his server with Bleach Bit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the mainstream media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can do without.

I dream of a better world, where chickens may utilize public thoroughfares without having their motivations questioned.

There’s never a good reason to simply walk away from a project, job, or relationship. Unless you’re just tired of all the stupid bulls**t.

Now, look: there’s very little room left for giant signs on the Moon. It’s not government overreach; it’s just logistics. You’re going to run afoul of the Obscury legislation.

A chicken molester eh!? I just hope he doesn’t have political aspirations. Was he wearing a MAGA hat? That would be his political “coup de gra” for sure.

Does anyone else think, when they see the post count here, of the year it would represent? Right now this post would be the last year of the american civil war. Spooky.

If Robert Mueller ran for president his campaign motto would be: What this country needs is a good five cent investigation.

It’s true! Parents that use drugs have kids who use drugs. So there’s an important lesson here. Don’t have kids.

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software licensing agreement, in the end you ignore everything and just click agree.

Men are just like floors. Lay ’em right the very first time and for the next thirty years you can easily walk all over them!

If Beauty and the Beast teaches us one thing, it’s that looks don’t matter. As long as you’re a billionaire prince who owns a huge castle.

Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed in the end.

It’s hard to be a “Live and Let live” person in an increasingly “Live our way or die!” kind of world.

these days that seems to be anyone but yourself. You will find your ultimate Freedom in your submission to the New World Order. Liberalism is kind of like Islam that way.

The other day upon the stair, I saw a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today; I think he’s from the CIA.

I love the girls who don’t. I love the girls who do. But best I love the girls who say, “I don’t… but maybe just for you.”

If you encounter a bear, or someone who wants to talk about jazz, remain completely still and hope they lose interest.

We decided to protest the segregatory policies of the local shopping mall. So a bunch of us stormed into the food court and demanded service. They said, “We don’t serve Illegal aliens.” We said, “We don’t want illegal aliens, we want hamburgers.”

So (for the record) you’re not saying an Alien burger is mighty tasty but that… an Alien burger can be mighty tasty?

True that!..I heard he was born already knowing sign language and he was trying to communicate to them this wish of his, but all they saw was a middle finger.

If there’s one thing I know about today’s progressive white people, it’s that they are all sure other white people are really the white ones who deserve condemnation.

Cities are proprietorial. You either own part of a city or it owns you. Thus the taxpayers are the city’s slaves, and they don’t even know it.

We do not need to see the tax records of millionaires who have become politicians…we need to see the tax records of politicians who have become millionaires!!

####, $$$$, ****, &&&&, @@@@@@@@@@, ^^^^^^^^^^^^ and #*#$ It appears you can’t say them on the Moon as well.

I meant Islamic Terrorism…but from now on let’s just call it the I.T. word, k? For safeties sake.

We’ll have to vote on that. Send it to the exploratory committee for Parliamentary nomenclature changes.

How about “I.T.’s”? A bedraggled white Westerner being handed a bomb with a burning fuse every week.

Me too. For a nickel contribution to the war effort Samuel Adams would have all-you-can-drink Happy Hours. Good ole days.

…but what about climbing Mount Everest and all those people dying here lately of altitude sickness trying to climb it? Why doesn’t altitude sickness kill skydivers and people that go up that tallest building in the world in that whatever middle east country? Asking for a friend.

Just think, if you were born and lived on Uranus your whole life you wouldn’t even be 1 year old yet, unless you are over 84 earth years old.

Shazinga…. Shazinga is a drinking game. When a person has mastered the drinking game Flip Cup, this is a good next step. Every player stands/sits around a table with a face-up cup sitting on the edge of the table (like in Flip Cup). Each person is on his/her own team.

The objective is to flip the face-up cup on top of a face-down cup sitting in front of it so that the face-down cup is inside the flipped cup. When a player does this, he/she yells “Shazinga!!” and each other player must clink their drinks together, say “I suck,” and take a drink.

The player who made the cup leaves his/her cup on top of the cup it landed on and the the next round starts when any player says “Go!” This continues until a player has reached 5 cups. When this happens, that player puts a beer bottle underneath one cup and resumes the game with the same objective of trying to flip his/her cup on top of the cup on the beer bottle.

The game ends when a player makes 5 cups onto the beer bottle or the other players makes 5 cups onto the beer bottle or the other players puke their guts up and/or pass out in a drunken near comatose stupor. Extra bonus points if you can drive home without crashing your ride or getting a DUI! Double extra bonus points for actually talking your way out of the DUI!

When I’m ridin’ ’round the world And I’m doin’ this and I’m signin’ that And I’m tryin’ to meet some girl, who tells me Baby, better come back maybe next week Can’t you see I’m on a losing streak?

When I’m Biden ’round the world And I’m gropin’ this and I’m sniffin’ that Tryin’ to entreat some girl, who tells me “Grabby, better come back maybe ten years Can’t you see I’m with the Mouseketeers?”

When I’m watchin’ my TV And a man comes on and tells me How white my image be But he, he won’t make demands ‘Cause he don’t do coke With the same surrogates as me

If you can tease out the third part of the song, I’ll post it as a Walrus/Oppo “cooperation cookie” opus, now that I have this awesome posting privilege.

When theyre in their parents cellar And some Xe posts on the inter ‘tubes’ Xe’s tellin’ them less and less and its all just useless information but it still creates some great agitation I can’t get no, oh no, no, no Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

Hello! I’m your host, Bud Miller. Let’s welcome our cast of wacky totalitarian dictators. From the frozen plane of the 9th level of Hell, please welcome former Soviet Union chairman Joseph Stalin! From the pits of burning sulfur on the 8th level of Hell please welcome former leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler! From the stinking acid bogs of the 7th level of Hell please welcome former leader of Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge, Pol Pot! Fresh from eating sewage at Hell’s sewage treatment plant on the 6th level, please welcome former Chinese dictator, the glamorous Chairman Mao! From the 5th level of Hell please welcome a soul destined to eat sauerkraut for all eternity, the former dictator of East Germany, the fabulous Eric Honaker! Fresh from harvesting in the endless sugar cane fields of the 4th level of Hell the former dictator of Cuba, Comrade Fidel Castro! Just arrived from the 3rd level of Hell, and taking a break from a steady diet of Elephant dung the former dictator of Uganda, please welcome Idi Amin! From the burning coal furnaces and itching sand fleas of the 2nd level of Hell please welcome the always exciting Muammar Gaddafi! And the newest member of our panel, taking a break from endless forced sodomy from demons of the 1st level of Hell, please give a big hand to former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein! Yes this is Hell’s favorite show, the Mass Murderers Comedy Hour!!

The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you’re not permitted to enter a government building with a weapon.

We have now reached 2100, I hope it’s a good year. Do you suppose we’ll finally get those flying cars we were promised back in the 1950’s??

Refusing to answer is evidence of guilt. Answering is evidence of guilt. All that is left is the sentencing and it does not have to be grammatically correct.

when you can truly snatch the final Moon sign from my grasp grasshopper you will reach enlightenment.

Credentialism is paying to be who you are. Conformity is keeping quiet about it. Those who do both with a straight face are rewarded.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… I may have my faults, but being wrong isn’t one of them.

Sure did just like the 3 in a row Hurricane drinks I had in New Orleans once..or so-said my wife as she was dragging me back to the hotel.

Hi. Vote for me, Joe Biden. My staff has confirmed to me that I will win the South and the moon also!

It is the official position of the Westboro Baptist Church that Steve Jobs, creator of the iPhone, is God. Praise Him.

Now I need to find a ride back before Frank starts rooting around in my desk and stumbles across the red button…

We promised you’d be in like Flynn at the Flynnlike Inn. We didn’t say anything about wasting electricity by leaving lights on.

It is a mixed blessing because you must be younger than 18 to be eligible and Michael Jackson is you instructor.

Well I think we can all agree on that, don’t you Congressman Occasional-Cortes? AOC: What’s a debt crisis?

Happy first day summer! Nice and toasty right here at my Lemonade Stand step right up. But if you want to freeze take your Happy Azz over to the Dark Side of the moon I heard The Dark Knight hangs out there sometimes signing autographs for free if you follow him on Twitter and you know to bring a peanut butter & jelly sandwich to him.

At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells … ‘THEIRS’?

Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable, let’s prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we don’t eff it all up after all.

Shucks, Fer a minute there, it sure looked like one you boys was going to get the last sign on the moon!

Tomorrow? And tomorrow And tomorrow? Creeps with this putting pace from data daze Until the last silly bull of recorded putts . . .

Why do I get this feeling you’re evading the question. You ain’t one of those closet Liberals, are you?

The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, commonly referred to as the RICO Act or simply RICO, is a United States federal law that provides for extended criminal penalties and a civil cause of action for acts performed as part of an ongoing criminal organization…that RICO? Hell no! It’s here to stay my friend!

That is a movie for which I could envision a good remake — especially a Stanley Kubrick-esque one. I think there were untapped potentials in it, due to haste, the era in which it was produced, and its limited budget. Its special effects could withstand improvement. But mainly its psychological dimensions.

I don’t know what youse mugs is talkin’ about, I was talkin’ about the last line of dialog spoken by Edward G. Robinson in Little Ceaser see…”Mother of Mercy! Is this the end of Rico?” Well ya mugs is it?

That’s elementary, like in snowmachining …ever go out on the trail without enough gas to get back.

Well….he’s not the government, or a Democrat, so it doesn’t have to be all of it. I would figure just most of it.

Commenting on previous comments, while adding to the total number of comments does not affect the numerical position of comments previously commented.

If you’ve ever regretted not pursuing a career in bullfighting, this week may bring an accidental chance to start over.

…my Argentinosaurus Huinculensis trumps your little hummingbird pterodactyl and Terabyte and all other dinosaur species currently known to man.

My goal is to have my writings so well “loved” they’re forced upon schoolchildren and openly mocked by critics whom I have no respect for, due to their innate lack of talent.

It’s like Feynman says, physics is like sex — it may give practical results, but that’s not why we do it.

Yeah, kind of, except for the fifty five gallon drum of mayonnaise, the leather whips, the restraining devices, the mirror on the ceiling, and the secret cameras. Otherwise pretty similar.

I wonder why the Gods of Posting at IMAO sometimes detach my comment from the original comment and puts me at the bottom. It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?

If you tax the rich to feed the poor ’til there are no rich no do you feed the poor after that?

Progress doesn’t come from early risers — progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.

That’s why I always keep plenty of duck tape and wire clothes hangars around. There’s nothing I can’t fix.

Age is a cruel, cruel thing, in a short 65 years you completely lose your ability to tell when people want you to stop talking.

Anyone who uses the phrase “capitalism has failed us” has entirely missed the point of capitalism.

It’s wopsploitation, that’s what it is. The Godfather, Goodfellas, Johnny Dangerously, they’re all wopsploitation!

Your going to see so much moon signing you’re going to get tired of so much moon signing. It’s going to be yuge.

Sorry. No burials are allowed on the moon and cremation is the only way you will ever have a hot body again.

No can do but we can shoot you and your coffin into a low altitude orbit around the moon and use it for target practice using our new NRA approved laser guns.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Take the red pill and the blue pill at the same time and you won’t care how deep the rabbit hole goes or the crater hole.

Remember that these days every teenager has a phone so they will never actually get a call for them through another person’s phone.

I used to hate that when I had to talk on my sister’s princess phone after she got through talking to her boyfriend for 3 hours. This is when I first learned that patience is a virtue.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… Dead battery? Call Lunar Landetr Jump Service! AAA-Affiliated

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Remember that pic of Frank J wearing a confederate uniform? Even though not a statue it was pretty scary though.

Yoda was among the most powerful known Jedi Masters. I would bow before him and kiss his feet as if he was Robert E. Lee.

The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force… but it’s still a pretty awesome ability.

Of course, as in most Blue Collar entry level jobs. A $1000 sign on bonus and immediate 401k and medical. Three month training period and then stock options. Even Walmart isn’t this good.

And once again I am foiled by a system that tells me I can reply to a specific comment and then dumps it at the end of all the comments. I am deepressed.

Anyone else notice the strange numbers for the satire articles involving the Bacon/tofu? And all the new commenters? Just wondering.

Ok, you guys have lost me. I’m just an unfrozen caveman librarian and your modern internet knowledge frightens me. What are these witches and warlock flash-drive mob you speak of? Do they hurt?

If the Tooth Fairy would start handing out some major dough it would lift more folks out of poverty. Spread the wealth.

Although I think he would rather have a new law mandating a minimum tooth compensation level of around $10,000.00 per tooth.

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger.

Straight Line of the Day: Coming Soon – A Giant Sign on the Moon. It Will Say… Posted by Harvey on 14 December 2018, 12:00 pm

The future: Hi, I’m Ilhan Omar. I got thrown out of congress but because of Somalian Exceptionalism I have become the first female Somalian Muslim astronaut. Yes, I’m still my wearing hijab under my space helmet. I really hate it that people can’t see it . Right now I’m wearing the rainbow colored hijab Obama gave me when I first won congress. I just hope all of my Somalian Pirate friends accept me for who I am. I am currently community organizing on the moon. I’m naming this place on the moon New Mecca. I even found an even bigger piece of meteorite to pray to. I pray people will stop calling me a Samoan. I’m Somalian! Allah akbar!

Did you know a chameleon can change into all rainbow colors if it wants to? I guess there are gay lizards. I’ve always wondered about that little Geico Gecko lizard. He’s gay. I demand reparations from that company, even though I have never used them.

Sex with a fifty year old woman, is much like sex with a twenty year old woman, except it’s less likely to turn into child support payments.

Reducing wisdom to a slogan is the lazy man’s way out of understanding the real meaning of philosophical exploration. Kant observed in his seminal work…

…then Rome! That’s why they feared him so much and spent vast amounts of resources tracking him down and murdering him.

When Mark Antony asks the people of Rome to lend him their ears in William Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar, he is employing the rhetorical device known as metonymy. Derived via Latin from Greek metonymia (from meta-, meaning “among,” with, or after, and onyma, meaning “name”), metonymy often appears in news articles and headlines, as when journalists use the term “crown” to refer to a king or queen. Another common example is the use of an author’s name to refer to works written by that person, as in “He is studying Hemingway.” Metonymy is closely related to synecdoche, which refers to the naming of a part of something to refer to the whole thing (or vice versa), as in “We hired extra hands to help us.

Synecdoche, from Greek syn- (“together”) and “ekdochē” (“interpretation”), is a good word to know if you are a budding author. Writers, and especially poets, use synecdoche in several different ways to create vivid imagery. Most frequently, synecdoche involves substituting a part for the whole (“fifty sail” for “fifty ships”). Less commonly, it involves putting the whole for the part (“society” for “high society”), the species for the genus (“cutthroat” for “assassin”), the genus for the species (“a creature” for “a man”), or the material for the thing made (“boards” for “stage”). Synecdoche is similar to metonymy, the use of the name of one thing in place of something associated with it (such as “Shakespeare” for “the works of Shakespeare

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

That’s because it doesn’t exist until you build it. If you let the government build it it will take forever and cost way too much.

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign. Blockin’ out the scenery and breakin’ my mind. Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?

But I heard Radical Muslims want to die so they can receive their 72 virgins and hope they don’t all look like Squad Member Tlaib.

Let’s just say, you can only sell human livers out of the trunk of your car for so long, until the authorities start noticing your bank account.

Yea but my livers are fresh livers taken from illegal immigrants and come with a guarantee and I don’t need no stinkin bank acct. My trunk is my bank acct. I know what I’m doing.

With the moon being (on average) 250,000 miles away from Earth, there are enough moon sign posts here to have one about every hundred miles from here to there.

The world will end in 1988…ooops scratch that – now its 1995…..oh updated to 2000…….extended til 2010….now 2016……….oops now we got it for sure 2030……….

The Earth will end with comment 2525. But… If man is still alive If women can survive they may find…

2525? So in about a week? Guess I better head out and at least start on my Bucket List….wait, I never even made one. I feel like a Loser, but I heard even the Loser’s get lucky sometime!

Would someone please call Trump and tell him to tell the Chinese to quit running over my signs with their lunar rovers?! smh

Ethyl works the hardest in the Brothel and knows all the tricks. The Regulars are just Green Horns who know nothing.

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, when he made Pearl Harbor. I miss you more than that movie missed the point, and that’s an awful lot girl. Now, you’ve gone away, and all I’m trying to say, is, Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, he was terrible in that film. I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, he’s a way better actor than Ben Affleck. Now, all I can think about is your smile, and that sh**ty movie! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

It turns out Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, who classified the clouds, named the cold, fat, puffy little damp ones after his wife.

A bullet will go about 6 times farther on the Moon than on Earth. I’m pretty sure my .220 cartridge will go all the way around the moon at least one time so stay out of my way when I’m shooting target boards with Obama’s face on it.

I would trust gas station sushi that’s a week past its expiration date before I would trust George Soros or any Dem Candidate…or any electric charge station on the moon for my rover.

Did you know Stephen A. Smith had a younger brother named Basil, who died in a car accident in October 1992?

Zager & Evans bacon to you! You will receive their greatest hits album soon! Do you own a phonograph?

Why do ducks have big flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks.

Why would he? I heard he gets 1 dollar every time someone makes a comment. That’s $2534 on just this SLOTD. We are making him richer than Harvey Weinstein. Wow, all Harvey’s must be rich! I’m sure he checks every other hour to see if the data bandwidth is going to hold up…

Put that on a moon rover bumper sticker. Wait; then the solution would already have been implemented, and the message not needed.

Hulk dislike being called a “dude.” Sound like Hulk spend time chugging PBR and reading Maxim, which not how hulk identify.

zzyzx: What happened to the walruskkkch I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could be the greatest posting opportunity of our lives, but you’re gonna let it be the worst. “Ooh, we’re afraid to post with you zzyzx, we might get in trouble.” Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Shiff, he’s a dead man! Pelosi, dead! Schummer…

Every day this country descends further into chaos and it’s only going to get harder to find a good spot to watch from.

Hey, I’m still here. I just had to make enough pop corn (Or is that Corn Pop these days?) for the spectacle. I love it that Trump invited them all out on the limb and then cut it off behind them. Release the Conversation! OK. Release the complaint! OK. Let the “Whistle-blower” (Although technically she ain’t one.) testify! OK. And all this will show what? Nothing except that Joe Biden is guilty. Just like he and his boss are the true guilty party with the “Russian collusion” attempted Coup. I tell you I am deeepressed about that but this Impeachment stunt? (And it is a stunt unless they actually vote on actually STARTING an OFFICIAL investigation) I will enjoy watching the petard blow up and seeing who gets blown up with them.

You said, “I will enjoy watching the petard blow up and seeing who gets blown up with them.” Here’s my thoughts on that subject…Trump will be hurt, but so will Biden, because the left of his party hates him as much as they hate all the other so called “Democrat Moderates” and almost as much as they hate Trump. So their allies in the media will bring up Joe’s son and his activities almost as much as they’ll bring up Trump’s dealings with the Ukrainians. I think the winner in all this mess will be Elizabeth Warren. I think she will end up as the Democratic nominee. And she could win the election too depending on how much chaos there is within the Moderate Democrat and the Republican ranks when this mess is finally over. In other words…I don’t see a bright future ahead for the nation. Hope I’m wrong.

You shouldn’t worry. The world financial system is going to collapse soon under the weight of more debt than there is money.

Coming Soon – A Giant Sign on the Moon. It Will Say… The Earth may be boned but Hillary Clinton will never be POTUS.

If there was a there there I would worry for Trump but there isn’t. This is similar to the fraud of Ford v Kavanaugh tempest. Basically you have a “Whistle-Blower” that heard some things from some anonymous sources that supposedly indicate that Trump did something possibly illegal. Was she personal witness to this? No? Will she reveal who provided her the information? No. WIll she reveal her connections to the Democrat party and Hillary Clinton? No. Will the media report her support prior to the release of this “Information” from left wing Anti-Trump groups and benefactors? No. Will the media call for the heads of the 3 senators who directly and publicly said they would work to cut off aid if Ukraine didn’t investigate Trump? No.

I could go on but the only real way Trump is in any “Trouble” over this is the extent the MSM and the Liberals can bamboozle the public and have them accept this fantasy as rising to the level of an impeachable offense. While a possibility I would say that’s a low probability. If they want to waste some more months on fruitless “Investigations” to get “to the bottom of this” let them. The public in general doesn’t care. These people think the entire world thinks the same way they do inside the beltway and luckily they don’t.

Remember that guy, what’s his name… oh yeah, Mueller. Remember how his report was finally going to bring down the President? Well this stuff has even less of a basis than that hope. What is less than a nothing burger?

Enough of this frivality! Time to get back to business. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

So are we all just figments of the imaginations of the cobloggers? Who are themselves figments of FrnakJ’s mind. Far out man.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… Come to the Moon, it sucks 1/5 as much as Earth!

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a socialist. Since then everything’s been pretty good, plus no socialists!

Telling me that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile takes more muscles than leaving me the hell alone.

I’m a semi-solipsist. Some people are real but the rest are NPCs. It’s fun trying to figure who’s which

“We conflate our colonic threshold to impregnate the mental flatulence of pseudo intellectualism…”

Of course you know I have to do this. It’s nothing personal it’s just business…..Ditto! Ditto, you provincial putz!!

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… The Nationals win game 1 of the 2019 World Series! Woo-Hoo!

Any politician who starts shouting election-year demagoguery about the rich and the poor should be asked, “What about the other 90 percent of the people?

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… The Nationals win game 2 of the 2019 World Series! Woo-Hoo!

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians.

Unless you’re over 60, you weren’t promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive socialist dystopia. ~ E. Warren

My math teacher blessed me with “SohCahToa,” (formulas for sine, cosine, and tangent), which saved my bacon on geometry tests.

But the lie my parents heard when they asked, “What are you doing?” — “Nothing” — was a lie because it was the polar opposite of the true answer, which was “something.” “Everything” would clearly be impossible as the opposite.

Only in a totality is the opposite of nothing, or “not a thing”, everything a possible condition. Anything or even “one thing” can serve just as well whether singular or in amounts up to and including everything.–abc-news-topstories.html

I’m talking about people who write headlines like these……………Homicide victims rarely talk to police. Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee. Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons. Man kills himself and runs away. Rooms with broken air conditioners are hot. State population to double by 2040…babies to blame. Most earthquake damage caused by shaking. Miracle drug kills fifth patient. Prisoner serving 2,000 year sentence could face more time. Man found dead in graveyard.

Pen Pal stabs pal with Pen. Pediatrician dies from childhood disease and Jacques Cousteau drowns in bath tub accident. — George Carlin

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… If you can read this you’re too high Icarus.

Ain’t no taxes high enough… Ain’t no freedom low enough… Ain’t no regulation strong enough… to keep us satisfied.

Coming Soon – A Giant Sign on the Moon. It Will Say… If you can read this sign, thanks a teacher! If this sign gets you OUTRAGED! Punch that teacher.

No, just one for baby seals. If you could wear a white coat and look cute that would be very helpful.

Keep repeating it loudly enough and you’ll become a little hoarse. Unless you’re already a doomsday colt.

Actually I’m a little Walrus. Actually I’m a regular sized Walrus, only by comparison little. Actually I’m a large walrus, or a small Human. Actually…

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

It’s based on a novel of a man named Lear, and I need a break cause I want to be a paperback writer. Paperback writer!

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say… I can’t stop mooning you so stop yelling at me!

Those who can…do. Those who can’t… teach, those that truly want to screw things up for everyone run on the Democrat ticket..

The best things in life are free But you can give them to the birds and bees Give me money, that’s what I want.

Big fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite ’em, And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so, ad infinitum. And the great fleas, themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on; While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.

According to Greta Thunberg, the whole future of the people on this earth demand and deserve your willingness to be uncomfortable.

I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler eventually found someone to love him.

I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it?

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary arousal deserve neither liberty nor arousal.

My truck has 170,000 miles on it and the MPG is so bad that everytime I start it, the ghost of an Indian appears in the passenger seat and cries.

I like my eggs like I like my women: mixed up, thoroughly beaten, and used as a metaphor for objectification.

Part of me says, “I need to stop drinking so much.” The other part says, “Don’t listen to that guy, he’s drunk.”

There’s only one true way to tell if you’re sexy. Wear a shirt that says “Porn Star”. If anyone laughs, you’re not.

Just like AOC said, she only wants to control your power not take your money. That’s just a side benefit.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous”. And He did.

Southerners don’t mind blacks being nearby, as long as they’re not uppity. Northerners don’t mind blacks being uppity, as long as they’re not nearby.

I think it is pretty clear that bears should be unleashed on people whenever possible, especially if the person is a Democrat.

Sadly the last the last Panda in Alaska was served up in the New China Lights restaurant as a bowl Moo-Gui-Foo.

We don’t cotton to Reds in this state…plenty on the west coast though. In fact they virtually run the coast

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While baseball, strippers and guns can help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.

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